ThOughts...~

Get to know yourself better

2009-11-29T21:26:00.000-08:00

got it from rshuang's blog.. found it to be really accurate..

Get to know yourself better: "Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long."

:(

2009-11-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

I hate myself~!!

i Understand..or not??

2009-11-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

Humans are actualy wierd.. when u're sad, u're normally tell others u're not.. when u're happy.. u will try to keep inside ur heart.. and when u feel like cryin out.. the tears seems not be frozen.. or is it me the only human experiencing it??
im lost in my own emotions.. ppl say woman are emo creatures.. now im starting to get a clue of it.. who says IQ is important,? i think EQ is much more important.. do i really undertand wat it takes to be really good sister, student, daughter friend or a girlfriend? i dnt really know.. honestly..

~RanDom..

2009-11-20T08:11:00.000-08:00

feel like buying lots of stuff..
-new laptop..
-long time wanted a sony camera..
-new bed sheet with comforter..
-new pair of high heels..
-new mascara..
-new clothes..
-new furniture for my room..

feeel like doing lots of stuff..
-drawing a mural on my bedroom wall..
-decorate my room..
-baking cookies..
-cook spagetti
-go for a really relaxing trip~!!
-sleep whole day!!
-clean up the whole house..

Randomz~~!

The end for the first sem...

2009-11-19T21:23:00.000-08:00

The final day of the finals marks the end for the first sem in UTHM. I still remember how hard it is for me to get into uni and how many tears tht i need to make myself strong.. but, finally, i've overcome it.. although the first sem wasnt exactly wat i ecpected.. but at least it's an experience that i'll cherish.. honestly, i dnt have many friends in there.. but im still grateful for those who have supported me all along.. helping me in maths, helping me through out the whole sem, helping me in giving me info... and accompany me when i need someone.. well, i'll not mention names.. i believe they know themself..
As i told mt friends, the first sem would be the sem when im hibernating.. hehe.. why?? i need time to adapt and take a rest.. all those busy days in form 5 and 6 are really tiring for me and i think its good for me to bask off for a little for the mean time.. and for the results, although i didnt have really really good results, at least its ok la.. didnt hit my target this time.. but it's at least close..i should be happy ya??~~! ya.. i am.. at least its much bettter than the results i got in form 6.. but ya.. im going toi work hard for the first class.. cause no more 24k loan burden for me after tht if i got it...hehe..stingy me..
As for holidays, i decided to actually stay at home and take some rest.. but seems like it was too boring for me.. and i really feel like goin somewhere tht i have the ultimate escape from the little resposibility i had here.. hopefully i'll be in my vacation in no time.. be it a simple tour to a small town, or major cities like kl... just a vacation would be good enough.. meanwhile, i;ll need to wait for some other activities.. i guess.. tht's all for now.. will update more often u think~

Im bACk~~!

2009-11-16T06:37:00.000-08:00

im officially back in Kluang.. after struggling for a about 3 weeks .. finally its ended.. but the wierd part is.. i feel so "nothing to do" suddenly have the urge to prepare for next years de subject.. i think im a little out of my mind already la.. haha.. for now.. have to rest more and recuperate from the days i've not taken good sleep at night... and plus wait for all my friends to come back and of course my dear to finsh is exam.. hopefully everyone did good in the final.. jia you everyone!!!

A little lonelya little sucess

2009-10-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone is working hard for the finals.. hoping to get the bestthey could in the first sem.. of course, i'm going to do the same.. the different part is.. this time, i prefer to be alone.. It's for several reason.. first, to concentrate more on wat im aiming, second.. keep myself well occupied with books in watever time thts left for me to study.. in short, stop wasting my time.. and so.. i went to the library... studying all i can, but when i was about to head home.. holding a stack of books walking toward the car park.. with the big blue sky above my head .. there was a certain of loneliness in me.. not that type of feeling where others abandoned me, nor being boycott by my friends.. it's just a feeling of going through life fighting alone.. Long time ago.. there was someone who told me this, If u ought to be successful, u'll need to be lonely for a certain time.. Because that's wat it takes to be successful.. Now, i totally understand what he meant. Then i have a really scary nightmare yesterday.. i dreamt of the world coming to an end.. everything is destroyed.. and im all alone again.. i couldnt contact the one i love.. dnt know where there are or are they still surviving... when i open my eyes, im there in my room.. all alone.. that really creeps me out.. i've never been so scared to be lone b4.. maybe i just think too much.. but it was like something so damn real for me.. after that i just sat at the living room wondering.. what will happen if it really happen to me... gosh... suddenly.. just need a big hug from someone.. perhaps anyone.. to actually realise my existen..
i dont deny being to stress... but who wouldnt in this type of time.. maybe sometimes i would just over react.. after all, someone normal wouldn't think such thing at such time huh..for now.. my conclusion is... take a bath.. stop thinking nonsense.. and start doing maths question.bye..

spidy...go away la!!

2009-09-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

haha.. my blog is like so extremely rusty and full of spider web i think.. so.. somehow.. need to blog something.. dnt want to let my blog end up this way..
The fact is, i've been eeeeeeeeexxxtremely busy in uni... Really hope to have more time to rest and breath!! For me, communicating and socialing with ppl in uthm wasnt easy, my character.. to do everything perfectly according to my "standard" is really torturing me so far.. especially when i need to work together with "Manusia" hope u all know la.. walao.. really cannot stand them ler.. maybe for those in my class only la.. but no offend to others~^^i really need to deal with them.. this time i lost another few marks because of them.. as even my dear said im a little kiasu, those few marks meant alot to me..especially for ENGLISH classes.. really cannot accept lo..i work so hard for it and at last they just get the mark!!! so extremely unfair..so.. next time, it's not goin to be so easy for them!! u see ba.. i sure torture they all gao gao~~!! haha.. so evil... plus.. since im in uni quite late.. i wasnt very good in my studies either.. i dnt even have time to catch up.. everything just pass like tht.. this week go in uni.. next week sem test.. i dnt even know wat im studying.. once again, thx for my kiasu character.. i felt really bad.. i felt so useless and stupid for not doin well.. but, im opt to try again..and thus, as days past.. i felt it harder for me to catch up and i try to escape from it.. now.. i realise.. it's useless... i need to face it.. because, its another 3 years for me to cope.. im sure there are some out there that face the same problem.. hope everyone have th spirit of not giving up in them.. i've experience it b4.. just hang on.. everything will be fine soon~~^^

Dilemma~

2009-08-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Holiday is over, and its time for us to go back to uni again... continue to go through those hectic schedule of mine.. somehow i found it rather annoying.. but no matter what still have to go back lo.. mmm.. have to miss my dear for another three weeks.. maybe im feeling alot lonelier since im in uni... couldnt really get into 'line' with the girls.. feel really wierd sometimes.. i really have communication problem with gals i think.. or is it because im a bit late than others.. mmm dnt know lo.. hope i could find someone tht i can share my feelings lor..if not.. i'll be dead not talking to anyone... when im there.. the only word i can think of is... lonely..stress.. and yet, im dying for a place in uni few months ago.. i guess i wasnt so tuff.. need more time.... time is the key to everything now...

Struggle to uni~

2009-08-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Perhaps many of u know how hard i struggle to get myself in uni.. Well, it really wasnt easy for me.. at first, after i was turn down in the first application.. i decided not to give up and try to appeal for a place and chance to uni.. However, i was once again turn down.. this time.. i was really devastated.. i didnt understand why.. as i already choose uni which are quite far away from my home.. sadly, maybe its because of the course in " high demand' so.. i couldnt get any place either.. After that i was thinking of giving up and go for private college.. but wat haunts me is the thought of spending so much and not doing well in the course i prefered.. And ya, it wasnt an easy course, its law.. many actually tried to advice me not to pursue law.. but.. dont know why, i feel tht i could do it. so .. i decided tht i'll give it another try on local uni and if i still dont get it, i'l go for law.. somehow, after a bad conversation with an influence person, i decided to choose the uni tht i dont really want to go at first.. and as i expected, i've got it.. after all the long struggle to get into the uni i wanted so badly, i still end up where my family wants me to be.. somewhere much nearer to home.. for me, i felt tht it was a blessing in disguise, here, many could help me.. friends, housemate, all of them treat me so good and remind me on everything.. (im really blur so tht helps alot).. Plus, i can go back to my home town whenever i want ler.. its only a 40 minutes drive.. actually, im really lucky, i skipped orientation just tht i'll need to catch up on alot of things.. but, i soon adapt on the uni life.. although it wasnt really the life i prefer.. buts its still part of life and i accept it.. at least.. i have many ppl supporting me.. friends, family, coursemate, and my dear housemate.. they made me feel so much at home and not a stranger to them.. its so great of them.. mm.. need to give some special thx to ppl like mr. victor (help me to get into uni), chern siong, heng way, xue ting, siew wen, and of course my dear..and those tht i didnt mention name.. its not tht u're not important la..just too many ma... thx to all of u so much!! love you guys.. lets work hard together, gambateh~!!

Yes, i really love u.

2009-06-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

Im suppose to write on my trip to Mersing like wat i promised my friend to... but .. everything become in a state of chaos when the results to enter local uni are out.. Yes, i did not get any offer. Not even a single one, it was devastated for me.. i thought i could handle it, but, i was wrong. i could not and i really have a terrible mental break down. i couldnt think of wat to do next, i couldnt sleep or eat. I just feel the lose of faith within me and i totally gave up on everything. Everyone around me was shock, my teacher, friends and family. Yet, i will still hav to accept the fact tht i've lost it.. the one and only chance to prove my ability and to achieve my dreams. I wondered wat went wrong, i wondered wat i've done wrong for God to punish me.. I didnt know why, i couldnt find the answer...

The moment of despair was a terrible moment for me, but all the while, he was by my side. helping me with wat he could. I have once doubt his feelings towards me, but after all this it became clear. He was there every moment, giving me all the courage i needed. He completes me at tht moment, he brought me back to life. When i felt everything is giving up on me, he made me feel to be the only one holding me tight. Step by step, he brought me back to the path of determination.. struggle through the hardship, and made me feel there is still hope.And then one by one, i feel the presence of friendship and family bond.. everyone was trying to help me, advice me, give me the courage, so tht i can get through it.. he remind me the presence of other important things and in the same time to grab the opportunity to set my goals back. Now, i finally feel the hope, the hope that i opt for so much. i've choosen the road to believe in the things i believe it could happen. im glad to do it. i've prayed and at least i feel it is answered. although the outcome is yet to be discover, at least i did not give up and i try everything i could. He is now leaving, and i know i have to face the world alone for now, but his voice will always be deep in me.. reminding me to have great determination.. and tht was the greatest yet precious birthday present i could every get. im letting him go.. i want him to have freedom tht wat a person should have.. nop ..tht doesnt mean we are breaking up.. but i do not restrict him from just loving me. i believe in faith. i cant believe me saying this, but i do love him alot. i cherish, love, and is grateful to have him. Despite so many obstacle we went through, it is now something tht i feel thts worth it. Even if it doesnt last, i'm proud to say tht i have someone so great b4. Thoughts, love, moments, tht i will remeber for the rest of my life.

time to express...

2009-06-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

Actually, its really late now... its 1.05am.. but all i can think of is blogging.. i've just came back from ozo.. its the place that i like to go whenever i have any problems... and the person tht always accompany me is pk.. mm.. im really glad to have a good friend like her.. yes, definetely, everyone has its own problem. But it might just happen tht i have more than others... however, i still feel tht im lucky to have many great ppl around me.. those who cherish and love me so much.. and i wouldnt want to disappoint them.

Now, im once again at the point of making decision. the point where i need to think matury and think of the consequences of my action.. yes i know it sounds serious.. at least to me it is.. i dont know wat will be the out come.. but i believe everything happen for a reason and there is no one to blame.. Well, u guys must be wondering wat im talking.. but sadly, i couldnt tell anyone. I believe those who know me very well would understand.

I found that many ppl have difficulties in expressing themselve.. so do i.. but tht doesnt mean that im heartless or emotionless.. sometimes things just get harder to express when things get complicated. And i believe most of us go through this b4.

After thinking for quite a long time.. i've think of the things i want wiith my life. and now... i'll need to think on how to fulfill that.. thinking and dreaming is easy.. but doing it is actually the hard part. One thing for sure... sometimes, things are unreplaceable... no matter how good somethings are replaced with,,, it will never be the same.. so, we will need to decide wat are the things tht should be replace and not to..

and promises are meant to be fulfill, not broken....

silent is golden?

2009-05-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

I've said to post lots of emo post on my blog recently.. and most of my friends that read it ask why.. sometimes, i just feel tht letting out in words literally is much more better verbally. its not wrong to say tht i really have mental break down recently.. but again.. i dont know why..yes, i admit tht i tend to stay silent alot..i prefer to think alone, act alone, and cry alone..maybe thts wat happen when u become too strong, u'll never let anyone know how u feel, preferably..let everyone think tht u're doing ok. Everyone in this world lived for a reason, at least i believe tht its true. i've always wonder wat will happen if im not in this world anymore.. will it be a better place? or will it feel my absence? well, dont worry, im not going to commit suicide.. just i feel disgust when i need someone by my side.. i feel weak.. i feel useless..is it wat will happen when u're to strong? i wish there would be someone there to let me know its ok to be vulnerable.. but everytime i wanted to tell anyone my feelings, silent is the only word tht i could think of.. in a way, its good tht no one knows ur secret.. but in contrast, its hurt when the person u love dont even know wat happen to u.. silent? really golden?

despair

2009-05-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

What exactly do i want?
i cant even know wat exactly i want..
im really begining to despise myself..

i think i need to be alone to think it off

Desire..

2009-05-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

I wish i could go for a holiday alone..

i wish someone really care for me to hug me as tight as he /she could...

i wish those things tht i dont wrong can me forgiven..

i wish i could be someone better..

i wish i could turn the time back..

I wish someone would give me a tight slap and say u idiot~!!

i wish for a thousand things to come true...

but the only thing that i dont wish for is to be happy..

because i know i never would be~

the naive me~

2009-05-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

In the past, i blame god for not giving me happiness...
Now, i hate myself because i have too much of it..
when all the happiness is taken back... it kills u more cruelly than u expected..
No one willl know until they themselve experience it..
and now i've experienced it.
There is no word tht can describe the feelings..
Its the feeling tht i will never forget all my life..
A feeling tht willl let me despise myself..
however, i pray to god tht he will help me go through this, just help me this once will be more than enough.
i really really need someone~

happy birthday my dear!

2009-05-09T04:57:00.000-07:00

I've finally recover from the terrible flu i had... Last wednesday was my dear's birthday.. so.. i've plan a surpise for him.. just to wish him happy birthday...

These are some photos of the surprise i've prepared for him..

Although the sushi that i've learn from my working friends wasnt tht pretty(due to some rice problem..) but.. hope its still ok la.. hehe.. happy birthday.. may all ur wishes come true..

sicky..

2009-04-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

gosh.. really sick these few days.. i've been taking mc ..and today is the third time im taking it.. anyway,..im going to resign very soon.. hopefully.. i'll get to go to the holiday i wanted long time ago..

teArs~

2009-04-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

I dont know if anyone of u have tried to smile while crying.. but it feels much worse to do that..cause its actually forcing urself to be happy when u are really sad.. so..............................smilling while crying.. a bitter experience..or vice versa, its a kind of feeling.. touched, gratitude, being owned.. well, it depends... at least i experienced both...

For me, tears is something special..something tht i think meant something..

tears for

-happiness
-sadness
-worries
-tension

and etc................................

Yes, it means i've cried recently.. and is is all because of a customer...and i felt really ashamed of myself.. honesltly..these few days, im really not in mood to work.. just hope i could stop working.. but somehow, i still need to continue working for the extra $$$... yup.. is $$$ again... but wat to do.. haihz~~!

I've really did many things today, i did things tht other service crew wouldnt want to do.. wipe all the sushi king windows, do soaking, clean the carpet, wipe each corner of the table and everything on the table.. just do ..do ...do ...and do.. its kinda wierd cause my other friends were actually kidding around and im the only one who is doing things non stop.. mm.. thts wat i'll do when im not in mood.. make myself feel tired and exhausted.. and eventually i'll cry... luckily.. i did not cry today..then..................................

i thought of things that i dislike and made me feel unhappy..

- scolded by ppl when im not in fault (hate it extremely!!)
-being left out in a group
-laugh by other ppl (embarrased)
-being alone..
-challenge by ppl..
-being unappreciated..
-pretend to be happy...( i did this alot!!)
-being underestimate..
-and so much more..

p/s: i think of this cause it happened to me all the time these few days~ sad~

normally, i'll only thinkof updating my blog when im really unhappy or im really happy.... well, imreally unhappy now actually...family things,+ studies+ work+friends all crank up together... haihz.. really hate it..

tired

2009-04-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

im so speechless now...

tired....

exhausted...

sick...

hate it....

totally exhausted..~

2009-03-27T05:59:00.000-07:00

After working for almost full shift everyday starting from 13th.. im totally exhausted.. Now.. my leg, shoulder, back, everywhere hurts.. plus.. so tired mentally. There is that stupid coupun for buy 1 free one sushi.. and there comes the so called "old and wise aunty".. honestly, some of them are really terrible..Here's wat happen..

aunty: miss ah.. do have the coupon somemore..
me : ya.. sure.. and the coupon can be used till 28th..(hand her one)
aunty: then u give me more lor.. i come again next day..
me : ok.. no problem..
next day..
Aunty bring whole family.. which need about 2 table..
me : can i help u?
aunty: i want to seperate into 5 tables..
me : har? but now its full house..and we cant let u have a table with only 2 person now..
aunty: but i still want because i want to use the coupon..if not i want to saperate my bills..
me : sorry i cant do that either..
aunty: then nvm lor.. i can wait now..
me : ok..

The next thing i see is another 12 table waiting behind..
Some ppl are just so inconsiderate.. really cannot tahan lo.. we are so busy and sort of tables.. they one family jiu took away 1/3 of the wholw amount of our tables.. haih... just hope this promotion would be over soon.. if not.. all of us will reall pengsan to continue work like tht.. one of my friend have even gave up and decided to stop working after this week.. just hope i could tahan till end of may lor..~~~

working days..~

2009-03-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

i've been working real hard last month.. although working is really tired and ans i sometimes wish that i could take a break.. but.. it also helps me to understand more about life that i have never understand before.. definetely, studying is much more easier than working.. besides the fact that we get paid if we work.. there is nothing better than studying.. and so..although im busy everyday, but it really made my life become more interesting plus knowing some interesting ppl.. ppl who made me feel happy when im sad during work and discovering those who really care about me after work.. really need to thx my dar.. for supporting me.. ok.. its my feeling on working..

lets talk about training in bp mall sushi king..

at first.. i really feel strange to the environment.. plus i do not have any working experience in f&b sector.. its like knowing nothing and hoping ppl to give u some clue on wat to do.. fortunately.. ppl there are hostile enough to teach, joke and befriends with.. soon, we became really close to each other,, they thought us so much.. the right things to do.. althought they were doing the thingd tht theye are not suppose to.. hehe... but at least they remind us not to when we are back in klg.. gosh.. i really miss those days.. where we can sneak out to buy something and laugh all the day.. but everything has to come to an end.. our training is over and its time to go back to kluang.. some of them even cried when we were about to leave.. honestly, im so so so touch.. maybe thats wat we call real friendship..

And ya, here start the chaos..returning to kluang...

As sushi king is opening in this small yet complicated place.. many many ppl is looking forward it.. in addition to the 'buy one free one' promotion.. it made even more ppl storming into it.. for all service crew, we nearly have full shift everyday, which is 9 am to 10 or 11 pm... some even stayed for the closing until 2 am... its really ridiculous.. not to mention tiring... Well, just imagine to run around serving customers and looking out with 10 tables queuing up for tables... gosh.. i dont think anyone would want to imagine it.. at one point we were really exhausted..

While other are busy serving ppl in the outlet.. i was assigned to do the leading job.. i was to write down names for those who are willing to wait for their turn.. and also to explain what the promotion is about plus.. get scolded from customers.. at the end of the day.. i can smile because of anything.. from compliment to complaints... i can still smile and explain to the customers.. haha.. one word.. 'thick skin"

Working with new collegue isnt easy either.. the way they were trained is much diff. from us from bp.. so.. of course there are some misunderstanding.. plus some like to hide in the kitchen to 'makan ular' made the whole situation became worse.. but to do.. im still the little service crew ... haih... ~ so sad..

ok.. so thats all i can update for now.. need to get really for battle in sushi king later.. sorry for updating it so slow.. but.. im really BUSY~~~ will update again when i have chance to do so.. c ya guys~~

L.O.V.E

2009-02-19T08:05:00.000-08:00

mm.. i know its kinda late to talk about valentine's day.. but.. its always better late than never ma.. well.. its just an ordinary one..go for dinner, walk walk, then go back.. but wat is diff and special this year is .. i have a really special present.. a present that meants alot to me.. its not expensive.. not extraordinary.. but its meaningful.. plus i little touch of sincerely and some notes.. ya, it touch my heart.. Curious to know wat is it?? Lets make it a secret..

He once ask me wat do i want for valentine's day... well. i know it sounded a little bit wierd.. but this is wat happen when u are really out of idea.. and guess wat i say?.. i said happiness. mm.. its rather a hard present to buy huh? But, he did it.. im happy.. plus a bonus.. im touch..

But actually, valentine's day is not just all about couples.. it al about how u express ur love.. and ya, tht's include ur family.. For me.. lets skip them.. they never understand the way of expressing their love.. so.. does love make someone feel contented?and happy? .. or is it something that make ppl worry?and sad? In short.. it all depend on ourself.. i always think that every ending to a relationship is the beginning of knowing yourself all over again.. in other ways of looking at it..? ending a relationship is not either one's fault but its the maturity of one's opinion to look at a relationship on different perspective.. But a beginning of a relationship is the beginning of a new chapter in life.. new experience.. new feelings and new memories..

To be deep into love or not? Depends on ur mind and heart.. For me.. i'll love someone alot.. but in the same time.. i'll protect myself for being hurt alot also.. dillema huh? conclusion is? let nature take it's course!

why?

2009-02-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

Why? This is the most frequent question i ask myself...why am i not smart enough? why did i do this? why did i feel tht way? so many question.. at last..
i just feel tht im so useless..
gosh.. i dont even know what im blogging.. anyway.. did u ever feel that you are so lonely and hope someone would just be there for u? yes.. im lonely..i just hope someone would understand my feelings.. when i tell people about my worries.. they will only say.. "dont think too much la" or maybe this is a universal way of consolling ppl? i hate for being so fragile.. i used to be really tough..and i used to be so good in handling problems.. but now.. im just so hopeless in it.. im tired with myself..very tired~

tired. exhausted. disappointed. sad

decisions are troubles..

2009-02-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

In our life, we usually bound to decision making situations, and u know what.. ? from so many time of experience.. i so think they are troubles.. some sort of challenge that we have to face ..its because, every different type of decision we make will actually lead to diff. results.. and ya, there was a decision to make for me.. and its a really tough one.. to choose for my future or somebody elses one.. If its u.. what would u choose..?This question is crossing my mind for the Nth times.. and im going crazy real soon..anyway.. im going to the happy part..

tada...

i like ferris wheel!!!

*** Ordinary~ but meaingful to me~ ***

hehe.. well, i was kinda reminding myself not to go fun fair as i thought that its something really childish+ its wasting money.. but at last.. i still cant bear to let it go without a visit.. so i ask him to take me there ...and wow.. it has been 3 years since i go there for a ride..then only thing tht catch my attention was the ferris wheel.. Indeed.. it was really cooling and breath taking.. although its just a humble ferris wheel compared the eye of malaysia or whatsoever.. but, at that momment my worries are all gone.. those little lights from the buildings just looks like little hopes that i wish for.. and plus riding it with someone so special to me..~ its really perfect.. thx to you!! love ya so much! CNY has come to an end.. its time for us to work hard again.. especially for those who are studying.. as for me..still remain jobless.. I just hope all my worries will come to an end and i could sleep all night long again without jumping up again..If not.. im seriously going to have depression!!

haunting past, fear for the future...

2009-02-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

Everbody has their past.. the things they have done, good .. and bad.. the people they like, the ppl they hate..or ven moments tht they vow not to forget... i have a past which tht actually haunts me.. Well, dont get the wrong idea on the word 'haunt' its just has taken the confident away from me and i dont even recognise who am i anymore.. These few days has been the darkest and longest days of my life, i have been thinking on what i have done and the things that happen in the past. Everyone tht knoe me, recognise me as the girl with confident, strong and is always happy no matter what.. some even think that im a really capable person on duty . Of course there are people that know me as a jerk and a control freak.. but well, thts wat ppl say..Honestly,deep inside, im just so tired and hoping to get out of all those image and be myself..No matter how hard i try, things that happen in the past continue to haunt me and pull me back, its everything in my life, my family,my love life, my friends, even my character.
I really hate ppl that view me as someone that owns everything that i want. it sure does looks like tht on the surface, but im really tired of hiding beneath it.. i want to face all my oast and stop running away from it.. im too tired.. i just hope to have a teenage life and not to bear great resposiblities at this age..now, even my future is uncertain.. i dont even have any aim for my life anymore.. i just felt tht everything is breaking into pieces.. im scared, scared of not walking out of my own shadow....

2009-01-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

Kinda feeling a little wierd.. Chinese New Year..not a festival tht i like at all actually..just dont know why.. other than getting ang pow.. everything seems to be so not wright duing cny.. normally.. during cny, i will just stay at home and do nth.. i think , this year will be the same too.. the worse part is, this year, im really broke... no pocket money.. no salary... so terrible.. cany even buy myself clothes that i like.. Anyway im not going to anywhere.. so nvmlor.. dont bother... For me, cny, is like a festival with complete chaos.. noisy, busy,...and etc.. so, thts why, i feel tht its really inpeaceful... hehe.. at least thts how i feel.. the most miserable part is.. the spring cleaning.. i bet everyone feels thats the most tiring part of all.. but wat to do ? its 'kegiatan wajib' right? ok.. anyway.. i like to wish all a very happy chinese new year!!!

the 'come- back'

2009-01-12T08:36:00.000-08:00

I was there..wondering,
I was there..hoping,
I was there..praying,
I was there..with him,

I wonder why did i fail,
I hope my wishes would come true,
I prayed for a miracle,
He gave me the strenght to breath,

I've fail to dream,
My wishes are vail,
Miracles.. one and only thing i believe,
Because he is one..

Im back in kluang, actually its quite a long time already..maybe.. just dont have the mood yet to blog anything.. after working for only 4 days in singapore..i've understand the feeling of sadness, hopeless, loneliness...and feelings that i cant describe in words. Yuan lai, words are so powerful.. when i was there, the only word that keep crossing my mind was..." you can always come back if ur not happy there, its ok de.. dont worry.. dont have to be scared". whenever i think of this, my tears just start to roll.. there is one time where i need to hide in the toilet and cry..the new environment plus the bad flu i had= breakdown+ back to kluang..
i feel like a complete loser to come back..maybe because i went there and set a high target or me to achieve.. mainly, to get enough money for me to study.. but .. i've failed.. the perserverence and determination i had all this year ..just suddenly disappear when i was there.maybe its because i went there to wrk for money and not to kust for the sake of working and gaining experience.. thts why i've failed..

new feelings~

2008-12-29T09:43:00.000-08:00

Ben lai ler, i really want to sambung the last post de la.. but, that post is suppose to talk something useless la.. so this post, i'll like to say something which i have experience it before, BUT, in different perspectives.

Once, i felt scared, lonely, sad, because someone very important to me needs to leave me to create his own future. i perservere... i waited. However, it was a tragic end but we do have lots of great memories. I often think tht the person leaving will not understand the pain of the person being left. i guess i was really wrong.

In fact,

It was much worse. now, im leaving, to ensure there is an assuarance for my future, i felt a 100 times worse than wat i have expected. The feelings are suppose to be same, but no it isnt, it was totally different. I am scared to leave my love ones, to go into a different world, and definitely sad to leave them. i'll miss u guys so much. my parents, my joey, my brother (although he is really lazy), and someone very special to me, my dear. mm.. no more ppl to remind me to do this and tht anymore.. i'll miss them so so so much.

Honestly, i really dont feel like going to work anymore, after thinking of those i love so much, but sad to say, the money that i need to earn is really important to me. i really hope i could lighten my mum's burden. and most important of all, i need this sum of money to pay for the first semester of my studies in college if i couldnt get results good enought to get into uni. really hope i could actually, my mum always wished tht one of us would get into uni, and ya, i really hope that i could make her dreams come true. haih.. i got so many things to say. But. i'll leave everything to the last night before i leave kluang. (if the job thing is successfull) . now is exactly 2. 00am and my eyes areally tired.. nitez~!

wierd..

2008-12-28T05:21:00.003-08:00

feeling kinda dillema...wierd... i sambung this blog later.. hehe

Replacement is never the same~

2008-12-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

i think there is some kind of mistake in the time and date with my blog.. but anyway.. today is 25th of dec, 10.55am. again, i;ll like to say that christmas is the celebration that i like the most compared to other festivity, but yesterday, christmas eve, was quite dissastrous. the town was pack with so so so many ppl, it just seems that everyone in kluang is out that night. It is so crowded and there was really a very heavy traffic jam between kluang mall ang kluang parade area. anyway, we still walk around and see what we could do.. when it reach 11.00 pm, we all started to get tired, especially me~ (cause we are actually watching the cars go by in kluang mall~isk..so wu liao~). Hey guys out there, girls like to have a really peaceful and romantic christmas eve la~!! not watching cars and traffic jam~~!!! anyway, at last i gave a suggestion on where to go.. and they pick somewhere that there is no christmas atmosphere at all because?? there is parking and not that much ppl.. mm.. nvm la.. its meaningless to me anyway. ya, thats how i celebrate christmas this year. LAME~!
Okay, lets talk about replacement, what do i meant by that?? Let me give u an example, If a really skillful, performer quit and its replace with someone with the same skill, its still different. And when u lost something very important to u, and u buy another one to replace it, it would never feel the same. when someone special to u vanish and is replace by some other ppl, it would never feel the same too. Last but not least, when some day special is spend in a really lame and meaningless way, it can never be replace. It JUST WONT BE THE SAME.!! the most important of all, when u need someone badly and he or she cant be right there for u that second, the next second he or she appear, it's still so not the same. What i want to say is, replacement for celebration, people, love, friendship is just much to a meaningless act. Because it would never feel the same with wat u want that vry important momment. PEOPLE!! please treasure wat u have, cause u will never know when u will lose it.. never say there is always next year!! cause u might not have one... who knows?? thts God's will. hey, i know u might say tht im talking craps, but i have gone through it.. believe it!!
I have lost so many things that is so so so important to me. Things, memories, friends, love, trust~ it made me poor. Poor in everything , not materially, but deep inside me, im just poor. a trip to far away made me realise im lucky, the absent of someone special, make realise im lonely, the lost of something special made me feel that im incontented with what i have. All those things suppose to make me feel down. Altough with all the sadness, im more matured than b4. At least, i learn to be strong. And i learn to live alone~

speechless~

2008-12-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

ya.. today is 25th of december 2008.. it should be the day that i like the most.. but now~ im speechless~~~~~

complicated~

2008-12-07T00:17:00.000-08:00

yup, exam is over. I know, i should be glad and happy, but well, as far that i know, i dont feel that way. Feelings are just so complicated. I just feel that im all alone again, strugging with the problems that im going to face real soon. People are just telling me to relax, cool down and enjoy life. well, who doesnt hope so?? Its just that something that has been bugging me all the time. And, i just hate that. One other thing that is complicated?? relationship. no matter wat kind it is.. its definitely complicated. love, family, friends,.. just about everything. right now, i just feel like going to somewhere where nobody knows me and do everything i want~

Christmas

2008-11-29T07:19:00.000-08:00

Just dont know why.. but i really feel like writing this post.. Maybe its because i like to write alot when im unhappy i guess.. ya.. indeed.. im not feeling very happy.. but, well, today, i'll like to write something that i like a lot Chritmas
Christmas is the day that i feel comfort~peace~and happiness. It really meant alot to me.. On that day, i would just feel that all those problems around me would dissappear for a moment and i would just live in a fairy tale.. at that moment, i'll just like to spent the whole night with someone special. mm.. however, i always fail to tht. i guess, i'll just go through another year myself. wat just amazed me is the atmosphere, lighting, music, food, people. by just lookng at people's smile can melt my heart, my listening to the rythm of the music makes me feel the world is full of hope. ya, my ideal cristmas? lets put it a secret, from the description i gave, i think its pretty easy to guess huh?
well, thats all i think.. i've always wanted a simple life.. just a life tht ppl would appreciate me, and a life that there is always hope.. Sometimes, a little celebration like christmas would make me feel much better. Why?? i dont really know.. just a feeling, the light of hope, maybe, this year, i'll plan to go somewhere tht no one knows me and no one should know where i am? a symbol of?? start a new. The burden on my shoulders are getting heavier each day just want to run away for a while from all the problems and have some time for myself. I've been living in my dream all this while, i think its time for me to get up and start working hard for my dream. My ex-bf once told me that in order to be a successfull person~, u'll need to sacrifice something to be successfull. I dont really think that is true at first, but now, ~ ya... i agree with him. I might be really hurt on the sacrifice i made, but, i will make sure that i redeem the chance to make things right. I may hate myself now~ but i will take the opportunity to let me love myself. waiting for ppl to love u more?? why dont love urself more?? This year christmas? I'll surely make myself happy.

once again.. disappointment

2008-11-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

exam is still on.. i'kll have to keep it short.. honestly.. im not doing so well for now.. i have done everything i can.. just leave it to god now.. stress is drowning me.. and the fear for the future seems to get more obvious.. need to think of the greds~ the financial~ the courses~ im in a cross road now,, just like wat i went through in form 5. i dont want to repeat the mistake i did again.. pls.. save me..

our story, my memory~

2008-11-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

After studying in form 6 for about one and a half year in STK, i have gain more than i expected. And today, i finally realise it. I still remember the first day at sch, during pendaftaran, i got scolded because i was wearing my usual earing, where i've been wearing it for about three years in convent, and ya, its been quite long since i was scolded by teacher. i was really piss off that time..i was thinking wat kind of sch is this. and yet, i still dont agree the sch rules on not letting the student to tie different hairstyle and wearing silver or gold earing.. i think thts ridiculous. And then after the orientation, we were all devided into our respective classes.. wow,,.. and i was really lonely and lost tht time..the only friend i have tht time was soo yi but she soon left after a while.. after tht i got to know a bunch of friends, and eventually, everything gets better. The trouble comes is when i got too close with a bunch of guys, and rumuors start to spread.. and of course after tht the "interesting" drama story which i dont wish to eleborate here~~Soon i join MPPPU, i was really relunctant to join it, all i wanted in form 6 is to have a quite and peaceful year, haha, and it turn out to be exactly the opposite. nvm. i accept it. Joining MPPPU has made me know and understand myself much more than i know. From someone tht have no patient and "dot it myself" person to someone that is willing to share and cooperate with other ppl. i will never forget MPPPU. It has bring me happiness , anxiety, experience, sadness, disappointment, and something tht other might not have, love. haha.. Today, once again, our board members had lunch together, but this time, its really a very evry memorable one. We had never had such thing b4, everyone of us express our feelings towards every each of us. we share wat we learn, apologise, and etc~ i nearly burst into tears, ant least not b4 ai ping did.. hehe. thinking back again, when we first started out, we were all so not cooperative, so strange to each other. and now, i feel tht we are more to a family. and this post is dedicated for all my board members. :-

Paulus

wat can i say about him.? he,? really a kind hearted man, and tht really piss us off because we will look like a bad person when he is around, cause? he is really too kind. But honestly? someone i respect alot, especially his patient. i really learn lots of things from him. thks alot. and yes paulus, u worth far more than gold.hehe

Pang

sorry for keep spelling ur name wrongly ler.. really been a good assistant to me. She is really systematic in her paper work, without u i think im so dead long ago. but, really try to get more rest. dont get urself too tired!! all the best in stpm oh.. u are really responsible. no doubt on it!

Ai Ping

we really have lots of misunderstand between us, especially during the preparation for the dinner last year. I really didt knoe u are in such position tht time, im really really sorry about tht. after we get to know each other, i really feel tht we are quite close and i really appreciate this friendship. U really did a great job. And u are always there to calm me down whenever i start to 'fire' up~ thx alot.. really.. i'll remember u in my whole life.

Ian

hehe.. someone i really sallute. u rocks man!! haha. no la.. ur really good in ur studies and still can manage mpppu things so well. All of us can see the change in u. Im really glad that ure the tresurer. Without u, i think the account wouldnt be so accurate. and sorry ler.. i know im too srtict already, i'll try to change.

phang cheng

my first partner, first impression, this guy looks good.. hehe honestly la.. mm really was quite fun working together with u. at least we always have common topic to talk in. thx alot for all ur help ya!! and pls go see doctor and dont shiver liao..

Ding

haha. really a joker. at first, i really dont like u lor, cause u just dont seems to car anything about MPPPU. but after tht, i began to see the effort u put in. really thx alot. and ya, i really have lots of fun with u these few months. all the jokes and ghost story.. haha.. thx for entertaining me.. im always bugging u.. paiseh ler..

Samuel

U hor.. start to diet la.. very bad for health lo.. "shang tian shi gong ping de" ...haha... no la.. u really have a great voice and a great talent. You have the power to let ppl listen to u.. tht is wat other ppl might not have. but really got to stop choosing to do the things that u like only.. but do wat is important first ya!! really have a great time sharing my feelings with u.. thx alot..

xue ting

at first, i really dont even dare dare to talk to u lo.. but after tht i feel tht we are quite alike.. the way we do things- dont like ppl to mess up our things. haha.. thx for helping so much. and thx for the support. And the most important of all thx for seeing me in positive way~ i really appreciate it

Nathan

hi!! at first, i really dont understand why did u win the election. i feel tht its ridiculous. but soon after, i think the others was right. ur really a great helper and leader. without ur help, i think many things wouldnt have been done well., especially things concerning pa stystem, computers, lightings, and etc~ really thx nathan!!

Sen Lih

hey.. i really dont know who u are b4 im in stk lor.. depite saying tht ure really famous in convent la.. nvm la.. let bygones be it. mm..thanks for teaching me maths.and dont worry. i think that ure really a good guy. have more confident on urself, i hope my little advise to u throughout this year would help u.. all the best ya!!

Luqman

hey budak baik!! not very baik lo actually. i really know how how to cook ok!! haha.. u are really a great help to us. especially about malays. thx alot.. its my privelege to be on duty with u. thx alot and we really had great time. all the best ya!!

last but not least...

Jun Jiat

before we are who we are now, i've always thought that ur not stern enough on certain things. But after working with u, i finally understand ur purpose of ur action. and i finally understand tht there is always other option to other things and we just need to think wat is it. just lie ian said, u're always the one ppl blame. i'm really sorry tht i gave quite a rough time when i wasnt in very good terms with other board members. u have taught me to be someone tht would be prepared all the time and optional type of person. and most important of all u taught me to control my emotion and the way to talk. And last but not least, u have taught me to divide and seperate personal things and duty. i really sallute u on that..and i really appreciate that. thx for all the sacrifice u have made for all 12 of us. i here, as the secretary thx u once again. may all ur wishes come true.

Im really going to miss all of u. love all of u so so so much. May this memory remains with us forever. and lastly, i wish every form 6 student all the best and may all ur wishes come true. i apologise for all the mistake i have done. and so, I guess this should be the longest post ever. may all of us have starights a's in stpm.. Lets create HISTORY!!

Love u guys forever!! I'll never forget u guys!! God bless u!!

getting ready??

2008-11-04T03:33:00.000-08:00

On last thursday, we went for another deepavali celebration, at Mano's house, mm.. it was quite different from Nathan's house. It was far much modern and far bigger.. haha.. rich mano..as usual, we were all pampered by the nice tit bits before the main dishes.It was really delicious.. thanks aunty (mano's mum). Mano really looks like his mum.. hehe.. and ya.. i took my dinner there using my hands~ yaya!! haha!! the others say im disgusting, well, i think it even taste better.. its part of indian culture wat.. must follow..~ haha then there comes his relative.. and his house is really crowded.. here is some photos:-

some of the 'tit-bits'

haha.. like this picture, one caught 'stealing', one- 'stealing' while watching tv

our group picture

Exam is 13 days away from me.. most of us are getting nervous for the exam. Some have their own 'study week". For me, i prefer to go to sch and spend those precious time with my friends.. although form 6 life didnt turn out the way i wanted, but i still appreciate those moments with my precious friends.. some of them are just so supportive. i really love them sososo much.. hehe.. to remember these remaining days, i've decided to bring camera everyday. Capture every moment. We celebrated 2 person's birthday this week, one was jeanette's and the other one is ai ping, we were all so happy. As for my classmates, they all look like so relax, even our physic teacher said that it was the first time he saw saw student without any stress.. Actually most of us are just pretending and have more fun than others. At least we are happy.. isnt tht the most important in life. Today, i share quite a number of things with my friends, feel a little relieve.. overall, it was quite fun today, we did something wrong and got scolded from miss neo today, but well, i think we deserve it.. haha

New way of arranging candles

going 'creative'

Jeanette's birthday cake

Deepavali..

2008-10-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Actually it wasnt the first time i go to ppl's house and celebrate deepavali. But this time, its kinda traditional i guess.. first we had some Muruku.. which i really like a lot.. then there was those suggee biscuit..and etc la.. all so nice lor.. then i was thinking " i'll going to be so so so fat after this" haha... aiyah. one year once only ma.. eat lor..then eat eat eat.. the "cute " mr luqman push everything in front of me and tell nathan i say not enough.. so evil... then there comes the main dish...TADA~!!! banana leaf??? full of question marks.. haha.. its the plate, nathan say he is lazy to wash the plates so we will be using banana leaf instead. And ya, we are using our hands also... i say ya!!! thats fun, although its a bit disgusting la... anyway.. we had a really great and nice lunch there.. thanks Nathan!!! thx auntie!! (nathan's mum)

Im going to Mano's house this thursday.. lets see wats the difference then.. hehe

everyone is enjoying.. eating with hands..hehe

Zhi Howe's innocent look.. kinda wierd, eating it with spoon and fork with banana leaf...

Muruku....my favourite~

this one also very nice lor.. but i dont know wat is it call... hehe

days~

2008-10-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

yup, exam is just around the corner, and im really starting to freak out, just seems that there is so many things to prepare and im running out of days. Exam is coming and that means we are again going into different world. A world where we are nt familiar of. And is which im quite scared of. this time we are really leaving those school life for sure. The life where we wear uniform, disiplins, homework.... and etc...i'll definetely miss some of my friends. Leaving sch means making other choices. where we go next.? wat type of course? financial? haih.. all those common question popping out again, really dont want to so lost like the form 5 time again. so so so lost and dont wat can i do.. this time im really going for wat i want and something that im interested in. garduation also means that we are separating again. Again im going to go through the sad and evil separating thing again. So scared that the history will repeat itself. suddenly, i just thought that i shouldnt think so far away but instead should cherish all i have now. the love that ppl give it to me..and the support ...

expression, undeniedable fact to reveal the truth.

2008-10-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

ketUm gedam..gedum gedam... the music was really loud. To be precise, i was at the Dewan eside the playground of kluang town.. i was ask to help out at my dad stall as my brother went for his scout camp. so, i said, why not? its been quite a long time since i hep out in stall. As u know the hall was situated near the Little India Town in kluang. And ya, last minute shopping counts for every races. I guess the deepavali mood is in the air. the road was jamed with cars and the situation was actually quite "meriah". mm.. anyway, i'll still have to sell my jagung and ice cream. At first, the businness wasnt very good. So, i decided to observe ppl.. hehe.. thats wat u do when u are too free right?? MM.. how can i put it? shall i say, hilarious>?? ya.. i think so.. haha.. k.. the one that gave me quite a deep impression is when a mum trying to 'convince' her children not to buy anything from us. this is wat she said, " you want to eat again? mummy didnt bring money, cannot buy!!" little boy cry, then she said again " i say already mummy no money now , u ask uncle no money want to give u eat or not lor?!!!" then he cray again. " mummy go take money in the car, now no money la!!!" then i was thinking, this woman is really crazy, dont she feel embarasse for not having any money??? or shouting in front of so many ppl,? at least she should have say it politely to her child ma... walao eh, poor children... Then after 10 minutes, she return, walk towards me and said... " oh my god buy, mummy thought the corn in 1 dollar, mummy only take 2 dollar only. (the price stated clearly its RM 2.30) then i was like,,,.... gosh. when is this woman going to stop?? then she end up buying a can of drink from me. and ya.. its 2 bucks... haha.. finally, she got enough money huh?? i continue to observe, there are basically two types of parents, one is the show-off type and the other one is the "support" type. Let me eleborate, the children are all dress up for the performance and the parents too do the same~ i wonder? who is performing? their parents or the kids.? they even seems to be more excited than the kids lor.. thats really wat we called "PARENTS" then the other type who dress in plain clothes and show their concern actually reminds me of my childhood. My mum used to do that too. In the middle of the event, they will buy something for their children, worried that they might be hungry or something like that.. well, at least i think thats sweet.. sitting and watching ppl's expression actually tells me that emotions are just something so sophisicated.. every expression on the face of a person just shows the emotion and type of feeling a particular person is going through. sometimes, u just cant hide it from others how u actually feel at that time, its all written on ur face, Its just impossible to hide. Honestly, its really miserable to hide.. believe me, its really torturing. so... just express urself, if ur getting frustrated fast, i think a deep breath is really essential at that time.. try to think at the happy times, maybe that will work too.. at least, it does for me, ... being urself is the key to have a happy life. Its the theory that i actually learn from form 6. Its really kind a annoying when u know that ppl are spreading nonsense about u and hating u.. well, accept it and try to change for urself is a much better choice than just saying that u dont care. cause, deep inside, u know u do care~. Express it~ cause ur a human!~

Past. present. future ...

2008-10-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday. The day which is said to be very important to me. A day where i made the right decision. Its already been one year. And this is the day where i put to a stop to all the chaos last year. Yes, i will never know wat will happen if my decision would be the other one, it will remain as a mystery forever, at least, im glad and bless with someone whom care for me so much. No matter how far i push him away from me, he just hang it on and never give up. Its his determination and courage which impress me. Thinking back to that particular time, the most important thing that i need wasnt attention, love, or consideration. I just need someone to trust me. He was the only one whom is willing to that at that time. im really happy to have him despite watever critics ppl give, its my decision and i think it really proves that im wright.Relationship is just a miraculous thing, no matter how u avoid it, when its time to come, it will. some people opt to love someone secretly and are willing to sacrifice for him or her no matter wat happen. And some are daring enough to go forward to express themselves. unfortunately, there are some who doesnt believe in love at all. Sad to say, i use to be one of them . But when it comes to me, its really undenieable making me happy, sad, and excited. sacrifice are made to make each other happy or just a smile on the face will make all the hard work alll worth it. Thus, i guess the 'not believe in love' thing was only a phrase for those who is yet to denied it.

The One Who Brought Me Up~

2008-10-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

she was only 18 when she gave birth to her first child. Bearing the resposility to take care of a yong baby and a not very cconsiderate husband at that time was quite a misery for a young woman like her.But she was determined to walk through the life she had choosen. Patience and love was her only piriority to her baby and husband. she hope and opt for a better future. She
tried her best to give as much as she could to give the best to her children. Both her daughter married young. Now, she just yearn to take a look at her grandchild. However, something was blocking a close relationship with her daughters. No matter what, she still love them more than anyone else. i see her tears rolled down form her cheek, disapponted by the fake promises that her daughter had made b4 marriage. She had the determination for nearly 30 years and sacrifice for her family. Never once to neglect her family. But in return, no one could understnd her well enough and give her the love and attention she always wanted. On 19th of october, i saw it. I saw everything through her eyes, the love, patient, sacrifice, determination, just everything! she had done for this family. I know why she had been to naggy all this while, so intollerance on certain things, so stubborn. its all because of love. ya.. the same old phrase, its all because of us. Now i know how many times i has cause misery for her. no matter wat happen, she was always there for me. giving me the right responsility, the right advice, the right opinion... my guardian angel...

i went with her to Singapore for sorta dress hunting spree. She wanted to get me my dress for the dinner so much. We went there at about 9 and reach around 12. Then we first stop at a shop near the market, she said there was a dress there which is quite nice and wanted me to try it out. Well, honestly, i dont think its ok for me.. but since she said its nice, i tried it on. Its looks quite ok.. but im not really in that type of drss and its not really fit..She looks really disappointed when i said i dont like. and ya, that really made me guilty. later on, she took me over to Orchard Road. ..mm.. its really expensive lor actually, so, i only opt for one dress and a pair of high heels.
we went straight to daniel yau butik. mm.. tried on a few one. then i made the decision to take the white one. At the counter, " why dont u take bith the dress, it look really nice on you" I said, " crazy ah,. so expensive, u convert and see~~" PIak!! she beat me~ "who ask u to convert oh? buy for u also dont want!!" then i was like, so many question mark on my head, mm.. since when its bad to save some money? then she said just take both. she then bring me to another session, ask me to try again and buy again, than go for shoe, than bought again. my heart was bleeding. I had never spend so much in my life. so so so much. she keep asking me to buy but after that i just said no to everything!!! i said enough is enough, im not going to buy anything.!! she just smile and said, as long u like and happy, then everything is worth it. i was so so so so so so so X!10000000zillion times guilty~then we rush to the train station and i head home. on the train~ i really could not bear anymore and cry~!.. ish, i keep hiding my face... haha.. so embarrase. i cry because i have seen my mum suffer so much, i cry because i really spend so much money and really guilty about it.. Kinda a stupid and foolish. But after u know wat i have went through with my mum, i dont think anyone will feel thats foolish. At last, i sms her and say if im not fillial to u next time, remember to give me a slap and kill me. i dont want to be one of those who hurt her. i love her. without her, i'll never be who i am now. i couldnt express how gratefull i am to her,.. just wish that she could be happy to have me... and wish she could be healthy always.. a post dedicated to her. The One Who Brought Me Up.

Surrender..

2008-10-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

xing fu~ a word that has always been far away from me.. im glad, now, its in me. Although im still disappointed that on those unhappy things happen to me, but, i know, there are still ppl supporting me.. a simple word, a simple smile, a simple glance, from those that i know they care, meant so much to me. After a year and a half of struggle, its really enough for me. im not going to look back to it anymore. It will be my memory forever, a story that thought me to be strong. Exam is coming real soon, i really have to bulk up. dont ever want my 1 and a half year misery to be wasted like that. Life is just unpredictable. It never turn out the way i wanted not even one. Finally, i learn to accept it. i surrender.

"Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about."

The truth~

2008-10-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

Truth. Often ppl pay a great price in order to find out the wat they want to know or even just to hide the truth from anyone else.. As for me, i prefer to let the truth speak for itself. after going through so many things these 2 years, i've decided that its enough for me to "mourn" for those who assume themselve to know the truth about me. We usually will only think of something based on our own point of view. How about the views of others? and we assume ppl to do the right or wrong thing, how about the things that we did ourself? did we think that by assuming wat others thinking or doing is actually hurting ppl and ruin ppl's reputation. On the surface, we might say that those little stuff wont hurt much for anyone, but no matter how small it is, it just reflex how matured the person who is assuming it and the person who is being assume. Ok.. let me take an example.. If a woman is force to sell herself in order to safe her own life, does that make her a hooker? or someone who is determined to try out every possibilities to just keep on living? many will say that there is always other better way to solve a problem, but think, how many times that we did something bad only to realise that there is a better way in doing it after that? Well, of course im not saying that we should run away from the responsilities for the consequences of our action, but, just think, who are we to determined one is right or wrong? Is there any guide line for it.Until now, i believe that there is always another side of a story to everything. being someone who is marked as the "bad girl" i realise something very special yet irony. Those who "marked or label" ppl are oftenly those being "marked" too. I believe that it is more or less the "karma" in our daily life, just that we are too busy to realise it because humans just like to comment , comment, and comment. I admit that i did many stupid mistake in my life including trusting someone that i thougth will be part of my life one day and it bought me misery. ya, i paid for it and i just love the friends and those who trust and help me through. mm.. thats when i realise who should be my friend and should not. I learn to trust the right person and learn to say "im sorry" and indeed these two word meant alot and at last it bring me back to life. Perseverance. Patience. Love. Trust. Hope. It gave me everything i owned now. I persevere for the bad times im going through. I learn to be patient to deal with things. I love those who love me. I trust the right person. I hope for the best. At last, the truth is, i trust wat im doing and hope others do the same.

Wat is PeAce?

2008-10-08T06:57:00.001-07:00

I was honestly quite frustrated today. Trying to control my bad temper. Maybe its because the exam is so near and im really quite stress out. Ya .. everyone is trying their best to prepare for the stpm exam. And i just suddenly feel like running away from everything. Why do i have such feeling? Is it because im not able to cope with stress? aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! feel like to bang the wall la.. aiks... my friend would probably tell me later my house will collapse if i do so. I read some news on some politic issue going on nowadays.. i do think that the whole world is going upside down. Everyone is chasing for power, fame, wealth,.. The percentage of those caring for peace? I think its getting lesser everyday. By the end of the day, will those chasing for power, fame or wealth turn back and realise wat is the most important thing in this world? Aren't we humans, a species which are same? Killing each other over materials things would only make us behave more like creatures , animals, .... But humans will only realise how important is something when they loss it? Isnt that irony? I personally think that its funny and foolish and yet i tend to the same like others...~

trying~

2008-10-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

went to sch today as usual, and guess wat, we have something they called tekmenso .. its an activity held by the school in order to get us prepared for the coming stpm exam. First, we have for our chemistry, then maths. All we did is exercise, as im really bad in my maths and chemistry, i find it quite difficult for me, especially maths, i think im really too dump for maths. i tried really hard, and sitting with my schoolmates...they seems to be alot smarter than me and that really let me feel small and useless.. somehow, im still grateful to have friends like that, they taught me everything they know patiently... (i really got lots of question to ask) at least i learn something from them which i think it would be a great help in the coming exam. As for tml, we will be having tekmenso on pengajian am and physic subject. hopefully i'll get something usefull from it. i'll have to try harder each day. Its tough, but its worth a try!!

I find this sign board kinda funny.. i think they should put it in classroom too..

im BacK..

2008-10-06T04:05:00.000-07:00

mm.. its been quite long since i updated my blog huh?~ well, its been quite busy for me during the raya break.. yaya.. i know im suppose to study, haha.. but as usual, the 'L' word was too big for me everytime i want to get down to work. mm.. let's see, i did quite a lot of things ler~ meeting up with friends, do housework, chat wif my friends, go shopping, go jb shopping.. actually no la... wat i did was just playing.. but, at least i feel much more happier, rather than keep myself at home and feeling misetable over my life.... the best of all, got to spend more time with XXX... u know lor.. I really regret not letting myself feel happy and relax all my form 6 years. It really made my life so miserable. The worse part is, when im stress out, i cant even concentrate on my studies.!! and wats the used of being stress??? isnt that stupid and foolish? mm.. i have one more month to get my last shot.. i really hope i can get the results i wish for.. i'll just have to work hard and hope for the best lor..after enjoying for a week.. i guess its time for me to work hard already.. and ya, im trying to enjoy every second of my form 6 life. Not everyone has the opportunity to study form 6 right? so.. i'll cherish every momment i have.. at least there are no regrets after leaving form 6. To anyone who feel miserable out there, try to think on the positive side of things, you will find that there are many things worth trying and worth appreciating, when u think that u are miserable, think of those who cant even have three meals a day and think of those who are living in fear. Compared to them... u will feel much more better. Relax. Sit back. & Enjoy ur Life.

Jun Jiat and me in the so called high class mamak stall in City Square

Kind a wierd drink.. Its called "teh sarapan pagi"

There is bunga cengkih and pandan leaves inside.

at Sushi King JB .. It was really fun!!

frustrated? tired? happy? ...ish.. dont know..

2008-09-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, i kinda have mixed up feelings ler.. maybe suddenly something good happen then something bad happen lor.. im really angry with myself being so emotionless sometimes. dont even know why im like that loe.. so angry la!!! too many things come into many mind out of a sudden. Everytime im in a good mood, there is surely something that will let me feel the opposite.. why just cant let me feel a little happy of my life ler~? really dont understand lo.. at least i know there are still some ppl care for me in this world. i think thats something to be glad and happy about.....

LifE~

2008-09-21T07:49:00.001-07:00

i always take star as a symbol of hope

I admit, im someone who loves attention, good praises and many many more. But who on earth doesnt love that? Im always seeking for more and not being contented with what i have, and i like to think that i have a really hard life compared to most of my classmate. After everything that has happen to me these 2 years, im starting to realise that there is nothing in this world which is perfect.

mummy and me~

Dad~

I may not have a perfect family. Istead, its a half broken one, but i will be always there to the the guardian angel of my parents, someone they can rely on one day. dont care how they look at me, how they treat me.. cause i really believe that one day they could understand me and accept who i truly are. my mum always being supportive, and try her best to give everything that i wanted, my friend, my sister, my mum, my soul, and my everthing. She will be the person i love the most. and my dad, a man who is willing to go turn back to his family, the man who sacrifice his time to brought us up.

My studies, not very good nor bad. just an average one for a form 6 student. i had always think that study wasnt a hard thing at all. but nw, its really different. for the very first time, im really stress out because of sudies, tried everything to get good results, although my results are still terrible. I really wish u could get the resuts i wanted, just to be a gift or present to my parents, plus not letting those ppl who supported me all this while down. yes, i can say that i fail to do so this year. The fear of disappointment is getting stronger everday. i do blame on the decision that i made to stay in science stream sometimes, but, itsmy decision, i will have to pay great responsibility on it. i cannot collapse, cannot give up just have to do watever i can and pray.

Friends, they are always around me, im quite unhappy in the beginning because i feel that im not in par wih them. i realise now, there are no border line between friends using intelligence, everydody is good in their own ways. they will only be ur enemy if u want them to be, Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. i guess thats true enough for me.. how about u?

guess what's that....hehe

love. well, obviously, its a really complcated thing. no one in this earth is be able to say why we would fall in love with a particular person. those who are coupling, im sure u will ask urself why did u fall in love withXXX but the answer is always...'who know's' and does it matter? No. i have once say that to love is to sacrifice unconditionally, mm.. i think its only correct if ur partner do think the same. I agree to my friends saying that im loved by someone who treats me so good. i should be happy, contented, thinking of him.. instead, i felt the type of loneliness in me which i could not explain to anyone, including myself!! Now i finally know why, its because i want myself to think so. No matter how he treats me, i will feel nothing and eventually feel inconteted and lonely, is it the fear for being abandoned once more? i do not know. im trying, just like a little bird learn to fly. and ya, i finally get have the first flab of my wings, and feel the freedom and happiness that has been with me all the time. In the past, i have block my eyes with my mind. but now, i have open is with my heart. It is a hard and painful process, im glad, i've when through it. i learn to think, to be contented, to be more matured, to realise, to admit and to promise. Something that bring me back to life. to who im supposed to be.... Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. Im that kind of person. but i learn, very hard, and i succeed. In short of the complicated relationship, "Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another.

ThE HarDest PoInt~

2008-09-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

Happy momments in class... reallly miss those days when Khairil is around.. Really FuN!!

Well, as all form 6 student know, we are having quite a tough week.. struggling with our so called important trial exam...honestly, i take it very seriously this time.. but as usual... i start to get panic towards the end of my preparation and lose focus on it..when i took the first paper (pa 2) i nearly left out one essay due insufficient time.. that is the first time happened to me.. and dont want to have the second time anymore.. it really freaks me out.. then tuesday,first paper pa 1, it was harder than i thought, the answers seems to be quite close thus makingt the abcd chioce seems useless.. but well, i still get on with it.. then comes chemistry paper 1, oh my gosh, i really dont know what im doing.. despite the fact that im reading abd studying it for so so long.. at last its all useless, i was disappointed.. it get even worse when i heard someone saying that it wasnt very tuff ( but i thought it was) and i start to think what is the mistake i have made... conclusion- im really a science idiot...

At night, the stupid yet conscious me cry burst out of tears and feel that i have let my family down, especially my mum, she work very hard for us and yet i did so terribly in my exam, and the worse part is, she called me and ask me to relax myself and take more rest. She even say that academic is not everything, and i just need to try my best in it and leave everthing to god... OMG.. im really touch plus sososo guilty...i was hoping her to scold me.. at least i can feel better.. but istead,.. she gave me whole lots of moral support.. gosh.. if i dont do well in my stpm.. really dont know how she would feel.. i guess i will need to work alot harder from now on..]

After everything that i have gone through, i realise that the hardest point in life is not to give up or hangging on something, but its the point between giving up and hanging on.. We often think of giving up is the best resort to a problem, past, efficient and problem free.. and when u hang on, it will be long, tough, and more problems coming in.. and yesterday, im in the point in between of it and im trying to choose in between both of it. it was really tough.. Harder than i thought.. that was the first time i dont have anyone to turn to and the decision is all on me..

Yup, tough enough, i thought.. i've been struggling for so long and for nothing?... NONONO.. not going to let that happen.. hang on there jolene... just hang on a little while longer.. two more months .. and im so going to make use of this two months..

As usual, aching body, tired mind, and bad headache, still manage to get myself up at 4 am.. studied and do housework.. ehm.. as i expected, i flung my chemistry paper today.. well, what to say.. haih.. never mind la... its not stpm ( consoling myself) haha.. at least i can still put a smile in my face la.. for bad or good.. life had to go on.. i'll just have to make things best out of the things i have.

Long WeeKend~

2008-09-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

wow.. quiet a long holiday actually.. and i have whole lots of activity despite exam coming soon.. ok.. lets start of with

Friday --> After school, wait for song ang to fetch me, we were planning to go out

and buy a present for pei kee, but at last we decided to bring her along and put up an act, ( as if we are just shopping for fun). Then when three of us are really broke, we went to Mc Donald to have a treat of ice- cream, well, i guess thats the only place where you can enjoy ice- cream +air cond + talking loudly and happily without paying much..then, u know lor.. 3 crazy de, jiu take whole lots of picture lor.. hehe..

Three crazy girls~

Saturday~ hmm.. go to sch ad take the koko marks, and u know what.. i lose my calculator lor... hopefully a can find it when sch reopen, it meant a lot to me.. haih.. then after that when to tho, they were having their kari koko. That pk even bought me a flower, its really been quite long since i receive any flower ... haha.. then went to pizza hut.. ate quite alot of things, actually we ordered too much and at last we will have to swallow it.. haha.. then even go for shopping particularly looking for dresses.. after couple gathering.. there was a convent gathering.. went over to old town and eat again.. oh gosh.. i wondered how much have i been eating....

only the plates left..

See that money face look~

Sunday~ i spend all morning and afternoon wasting time at home.. really couldnt sit still and study la.. little while eat la, then go comb hair la..then go see tv la.. no wonder my results is so so terrible.. this time exam sure fat like pig.. haha,, never mind la.. that's me ma.. then at night, as camille requested, we had a small gathering cum steamboat party. it was really great, we prepare really quite large amount of food. well, we are celebrating two person's birthday so the food amount should be multiply by 2.. hehe.. at last, we end up playing secret password and the one who lost have to eat the leftover.. and ya~~! i and rs won.. dont have to eat fishball.. but will have to wash the dishes..

steamboat and grill... nice.. nice~

making wishes~ friends~

monday~ same.. only went out a night.. to celebrate pk's birthday once again.. but this time is with fantastic four.. then went to the new castle cafe.. the interior design was quite good.. but later we change it to ozo cafe, cause we can ask the singer to sing her a song there...

tuesday~ last day ler..didnt go anyway, just feel moody..then song ang sudddenly call and ask to have a gathering at heidi with fantastic four.. then he was like so excited and call a bowl of ice- cream.. oh my god... very fat lor... so we HELP him eat some lor.. hehe

i think my whole holiday is basically like that lor..

ben lai want to post this earlier de.. but really busy these days.. after study, jiu sleep.. i wonder if others is like that also... hmm.. i guess thats form 6 life...

yEt aNother day tO go~

2008-08-25T03:53:00.000-07:00

Holiday is over.. and im sure everyone can imagine how hard it is to get up at 6am after getting use to the 9 am routine during holidays.. then had a flashback on what i have done during holidays... haha.. just as i expected.. NOTHING...not actually nothing la.. but really something that i shouldnt do actually.. and guess wat is that?.. same routine.. sleep, eat, play, watch tv.. How about books?...haih.. i know that i should start studying.. but it just cant seem to work.. those info just cant get into my mind la.. no matter how man times i read .. it is still equal to = 0. Terrible la..

ok..talking about sch,early in the morning zhi howe hand me something that i like alot.. the new leo badges.. and they come in pairs, hehe.. i really like to collect those stuff la.. really like it.. as usual went to sch, had assembly, recess then go back. I dont even feel like to touch my book at sch, so i went chit chatting my Ding and wei kwong, talking really funny stuff.. well, at least i felt more happy.. rather than just thinking how stress i am.. came back take my nap as usual.. then finally start studying.. but really make me a little blur la.. physics seems to meant for geniuses.. haha.. thats wat i told mr. Chua( my physics teacher). Well, in order to become a genius myself (hopefully).. i need to find the existing genius jean for help... so.. gtg ya bloggy..

The Badges tHat i reallY like...

StoP the tIMe~!!

2008-08-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Fuh..today.. tuition.. tuition.. tuition... 4 hours of chemistry and i feel that my brain is so "tepu" . Anyway.. i feel that its quite a nice day actually.. sfter all the trpoubles and problems im going through, it just seems that im getting used to it and im trying to learn to appreciate and to be contented..
It was raining all day long.. but beneath the coldness and the calmness... i can still feel the warmness inside me.. not because im sick of course.. just have the feeling of happiness right inside me that i would like to tell everyone that i know.. but.. u know wat.. lets make it a secret. haha.. im starting to fall in love with the rainy days.. although everything seems to gloom when its raining, but there is sunshine, there is a steep chance that there will be a rainbow..just like all the problems we are enduring now.. i always believe that when God closes the door, He will surely opens a window for us.. it just depends on how we find the window and climb out of our troubles.

Actually being pessimistic wasnt so bad after all.. at least after that u will learn that being optimistic wil make you feel much much more better and happier. Want to know how it feels? Ask me personally.. I really have lots of experiece with it.. Today, i feel like just to stop the time, enjoy the momment of happiness, and never to look into the unhappiness in life... I finally realise, being together with the person you love the most is the happiest thing that could happen to anyone... some might say its love blind.. but i would say that its appreciation and owned.. the only thing that will help anyone feel better is know that ur being love and care of..its to an extend of family, friends, teacher... of course not only for couples..
Okay thats all for now... geeting sleepy already.. nitez~

yummy..~

2008-08-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

When i saw the word old town last few weeks... i was like "finally". Actually the food wasnt very good there, just that at least its more comfortable and i can at least chat comfortably without the having to chase away flies when im talking. But there were few things i would like to highlight.. the laksa... and curry puff.. i really like those two.. yummy~~ the laksa they serve is actually a real type of penang laksa..(although not as good as those in penang) but.. its better than those curry laksa normaly serve in kluang. and as for the curry puff... kinda tiny.. hehe.. but... wow.. it taste quite good... and as for the drinks.. hazelnut white coffee would be great..

Well, thats for the heavy meals.. having to cope so much stress in life.. i sometimes like to hang out with friends to actually destress.. and i found that ozo is quite a good place to do so.. despite having the image of a night pub@ cafe.. i would think that its a place where there is lots of hidden talent there.. there are actually very good singers there.. listening to the songs there actually help me to feel feel better... i suddenly feel that kluang wasnt a very bad place actually. Just that not many interesting shopping complex. But at least we dont have to drive all over to bp to watch a movie now right~?...Lets hope that kluang mall would be better..

So, thats for the sweet part of my life.. now the botter part...Haih.. time really pass very fast.. two more days, i'll be loaded with uncountable homework again.. and wats more..?? 2 more weeks to trial exam.. gosh.. its like so so so fast.. just a blink of an eye, stpm is coming... nervous, stress, scared, ... so many feelings. Im sure i wont be the one getting worried about this, but really sick of examination sometimes.. wat to do.. malaysia education system is like that de la... hehe.. most of us will think like that i think.. so really need to work very hard now i guess.. and here goes another phrase which i agree..." easy to be said, but hard to be done..." and the word that help me go on with my life..." only 3 months to go, jolene... you can do it"... haha.. cant wait to finish stpm.. everyone in form 6 is going through tuff life now.. (accept for genius la) .. admit it!! STPM wasnt easy!! But of course, it wont kill u.. just torture u ( or maybe just me) ..no matter wat.. its ok.. cause im not dead yet.. just half dead... ~

unpredictable..

2008-08-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

I used to feel that life is just something that we can control if we have the confident to do so..but actually is not..i have went through so much in my life.. sweet memories, bitter ones, sour ones, ... i guess form 6 really gave me more than i could imagine.. i once thought that someone could be my soulmate, my compatriot.. but.. i dont think so now.. how can ppl change so fast? dont they know wat is the true meaning of sacrifice? friendship? and trust? Somehow, i feel that i should thank this kind of ppl, they thought me to be more matured, and even help me jugde who my real friends are.. particularly, i'll like to thank ai ping, junjiat, and paulus. they really taught me to be patient and calm.. and it really brings me a long way. i believe in what they say. everyday, hoping that those who have done wrong would actually turn back and look at those innocent faces behind them.. just think.. how any ppl they have hurt.. and a simple sorry would meant so much to those ppl. no one is perfect, and so do i. I admit that i have done terroble mistake, especially with my bad temper, but wat makes me stronger is i realise it and try to heal the wound for those who i have hurted.. or just have the thoughts of doing so..~ i think its enough... i believe everyone deserve a second chance....i believe~

mY First bloG...

2008-02-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

Well, i first started out my blog in friendster actually, but soon found out it wasnt as good as i thought.. i really have a hectic schedule this week.. how i wish for a better week~ eg. having a nice holiday at a beach.. or even go shopping in a gigantic shopping mall.. well.. its only a wish.. exam is coming real soon..im really stress out and suddenly felt regret in taking science when i saw my friend studying happily in arts stream.. although i knew that there is nothing easy in art stream, but at least u will understand more than wat u learn in science stream..
Anyway, life still have to go on. Its wat i choose , so i'll need to learn to handle it.. but one thing for sure.. i really sucks in maths.. i just cant seems to understand simple calculation and that really annoyed me. Everyone in the class seems to understand wat the teacher is teaching in front and i can only sit there in keep copying without knowing wat the hell im copying. i just feel frustrated and disappointed whenever the maths lesson goes on.. i think i really need to find a way to solve it..
i guess extra-koko activities really need to hold on as the exam is coming soon.. im getting really exhausted with my life.. taking care of my family.. juggling with the pile of my homework.. and last but not least the pressure given by the teachers. So, sometimes i'll just get put of my house and go shopping with my beloved friend pei kee.. i can say that we are quite close these days as we share lots of feelings together.. maybe because we share almost the same fate, so we feel much the same for the others..
As for my beloved jun jiat, he really give me lots of encouragment and hep me alot in finding who im truely are..i really appreciate it. despite many ppl teasing us in sch or outside sch, i still feel its ok as we are really together.What amazed me is we can actually devide our time for study, family, homework, sch work and play time..I do think its very important for us as i dont want this relationship to influence our studies..
Yup, as a conclusion, it wasnt so bad last week afterall.. Just a little bit stress out i guess.. after all which 6 student will not feel stress..? Just have to put out the habit of thinking too much of unneccesary things..